This is part five of the letters sent between me and my wife shortly before and after meeting in person for the first time.
It’s funny, because every day I wake up, and with my past, I keep thinking that something is going to crash and burn, leaving me in the metaphorical dust. But then I see your face, I hear your voice, and I am reminded of what we can accomplish together. Everytime I think of the problems we may encounter, whether they be detrimental or minor, I know that we can overcome anything as long as we’re together. You’re right. The terms boyfriend and girlfriend just don’t seem fitting. We are so much more than that. The term I think you were looking for was “soulmate.” We don’t want to admit that the word exists, nor do we wish to accept that term as an existing entity. When I search through the very fabric of my psyche, I know they exist…and I’ve found mine.
For many years I laid in darkness, truly believing that there was nothing in the world that could pull me into the light. Then I met you. At first, you were a truly great friend that helped alleviate some of that darkness. Over time, I began to fall in love with you, and everything that was once dark slowly morphed into light. A dinner with my family where I am ridiculed, a loss of my job, a critiqued piece of writing; all of these plights seem so trivial with you by my side. There is nothing in this world I cannot accomplish or overcome with you in my life.
This distance seems absolutely detrimental. Every day that I cannot hold you, hug you, kiss you, and have your aura in close proximity, a small piece of me feels missing. But in the end, every day apart strengthens our bond, the very core of our existence. Without you, my love, life seems boring and pedantic. The insinuation that “life goes on” holds a modicum of truth, but, that doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you and I represent. We represent every romantic movie. We represent the happiness of the world. We represent love and its meaning. We represent the very essence of life’s mysteries. You and me, Emily, are going to change the meaning of the world, one day at a time.
Emily Marie Schmitz, the love of my life, you are my everything. I cannot wait to spend every single day falling in love with you all over again. I love you differently today, than I did yesterday, but that love is not less or more than the previous love. Every time I look at you, hear your voice, or hold you in my arms, I fall in love with you all over again. I hope to spend the rest of my life falling in love with you all over again.
I love you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for everything. I will never be able to thank you enough for the love you’ve shown me. I love you.
Sneaky sneaky sneaky yet again. My turn. Ok, there’s literally always so much I want to say when I do these things. Sometimes there’s so much I want to say I have a hard time forming it into words and writing. Bear with me, this is going to be a rough one I feel. Ok, I am currently watching you play with the girls and it brings me so much joy. I can only imagine what kind of a father you will be one day. I watch you and I know you’ll be amazing, and I can only hope that I will get to watch you become one. I hope we will get the chance to have those moments together. Playing with the kids before bed, reading them a story, singing them to sleep. Things that will be pedantic and mundane sound more exciting to me than they ever did before. I want to start my life with you as you know. Everyday I’m reassured of those feelings. You unintentionally reassure me that I want to move out with you, marry, have children with you, and grow old with you. It’s so satisfying to know that I am making the right choice to be with you. I will never regret this for as long as I live. Even if I was only granted a day of the kind of love you have shown me, I still would not regret it. I love you Sean, so much. Let grow old together. Let us begin writing the our epic love story.
I’m so not going to reread that.. I know it’s very rough and I’m sorry. I’m drained from the day, but I still felt it vital to write you something. Sorry for the choppy mess! I love you!
You may be sneaky, but I have the power of having trouble sleeping longer than eight hours. It’s funny that you bring up seeing me with the girls, because every time I see you playing with Adley, giving her a bath, helping her with a school project, taking her to the park, or watching you do other parental things, it is unbelievably amazing. I fantasize about our own children running around, and you and me parenting them imperfectly. I always dreamed of being a father, but now, that dream is second nature. I dream of being a father to your children. I dream of holding your hand while our kids grow up into fine adults. I dream of being a father figure to Adley as she grows into a spectacular young woman. My dreams are filled with tumultuous ideas of fatherhood, and you instilled that idea in my head. The rest of my life is dedicated to the idea that you and I will battle through everything and come out ahead. There is no fight we cannot overcome, and until that day, that little red headed beastie will be in the forefront of my mind. I love you, Emily. Here’s to growing old together. Our story; one for the stars.