On Saturday, August 22nd, 2020, I finally got married to the love of my life. Because of Covid-19, we decided we didn’t want to wait for the pandemic to be over before we went the whole nine yards with a venue, a ceremony, and the works. Instead, we had a beautiful little set up in her father’s backyard, just a few family members present, and an imperfectly perfect wedding. It was quaint and serene.
I wanted to do an entire post dedicated to my new wife, but then I came across an old Google Document that we share called Letters.
When we first met, it was online through the World of Potter website that I’ve written about on here a few times. We lived over 500 miles away from each other, so when things first started to get romantic (about three months after we met), we were forced to either share our time over Facetime/Skype or through writing. Since we met on a website dedicated to writing, it was only fitting that a good majority of our correspondence was done via the same medium.
We wrote many letters, each one cheesier than the last. Normally, this kind of thing would stay very private, but given that we poured our hearts and souls into these letters, I wanted to share them with all of you.
Prepare yourselves for the cheese, the over-the-top romance, and the beginnings of a relationship that led to a marriage and a lifetime of building a life together.
I’ve come to realize something over the last few weeks. Every time I hear your voice, see your face, and realize we are just a few days away from our meet-cute, something flutters around inside my stomach. My brain stops working the way it’s supposed to work, and I find myself lost in a haze of anxious nervousness. I keep telling myself that I’m not nervous, and honestly, I don’t think I am.
But there’s this small piece of me that continues to feel incredibly anxious, and it’s a feeling I’m not used to enduring. I know full well that once I step off that plane, and I have you in my arms, the endurance will be worth every second.
Every negative aspect of my life, every single suffered night, every single lonely morning, every agonizing moment spent wondering if there was somebody out there for me, every time I thought about what it would be like to live alone, every cheating girlfriend; every single second of it will be worth it at 2:23pm next Wednesday. If we don’t end up working out in the end (knock on wood), I will forever be thankful for everything you’ve done for me so far.
You’ve made me feel attractive, intelligent, and like I can accomplish anything my mind and heart desires. You make me feel sexy, charming, and confident. You have instilled a sense of security in my life like nobody I’ve ever met or gotten to know. When I lay my head on my pillow each night, I know that I will wake up the next morning having become a better person because of you. My life will never be the same, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
At dinner tonight, I told my father that you really liked Mexican food, and he said, “Funny, it’s like you two are made for each other. You never shut up about her, you’re always talking to each other. There’s somebody out there for everybody. Maybe this is that somebody.” I blushed so hard that even our waiter, who spoke very little English, noticed it and said, “Oooh, a girl.” (I promise you, this really happened, and it was hilariously awkward).
I’ve never known anybody that could make me blush like that. In fact, like we talked about that one night, I’ve never known anybody that could make me blush at all. Every time my cheeks turn red and begin to hurt, I know the pain is worth it, because it was you that caused that feeling to begin. When you leave the call because somebody else is calling you or you are going inside somewhere to eat dinner, I become pained because I instantly miss you. But, I know the pain is worth it, because when you call me back, I’ll get to hear your voice and see your face.
The 18th cannot come fast enough. I get you for fourteen days, which is not nearly long enough. During that time, I can only hope that I help cement what is already the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. Regardless of what happens between now and forever, I will always be there to hold your hand, snuggle you, help take care of your daughter, love you, spoil you, care for you, and please you. I am forever yours, my love. I love you so unbelievably much.
I hope you have an amazing Friday at work, I miss you so much right now, and I cannot wait to hear your voice again. Until that time, a small part of me will be incomplete. Until the morning…
As always, your words astound me. Every sentimental moment we have through words, whether it be talking or writing, give me a sense of security. I’ve never experienced love that was so genuine from someone who wasn’t already wired to love me. I have never felt so strongly for someone whom I had no obligation to love. It astounds me, every time I think about it, I am dumbfounded to think that this is possible. Again, I begin to hope. I hope for so much, for us, our future, for an epic love story. I never thought it would be something I was capable of after being let down so often, but you somehow bring it out in me like so many other things.
I cannot tell you how nervous and anxious I am for the 18th. So much i want to go right and I am terrified of it all going wrong. I want you to like it here, to like me and to like my family. I want to feel that spark we have over the phone, that connection, and be reassured this is real, and I’m scared we won’t find it. I know you try your best to encourage happy thoughts, but in this rare moment it’s not your words that give me comfort. It’s was we’ve been through together, the solid concrete proof that it’s ok to hope. So, everytime I begin to feel the panic rise in my chest, I think of how exciting it truly is, how it is an imperfectly perfect fairytale.
I think our dad was one to something, hell, we’ve had the conversation. Whether or not we work out, I truly to believe that we were made for one another in some way or another. We’re just in the process of exploring and figuring that out, and I have every ounce of faith that we will find it. That’s what makes our meet cute so exciting and scary for me because we both have expectations, I can only assume the same, of what we want. In the end though, I know that no matter where we’re left we will always have each other.
We’re, as Twilight so eloquently put it, imprinted. We’re both willing to sacrifice our own feelings for one another and be whatever it is that person needs at that time; a friend, a family member, a lover. I think that’s makes us so unbelievably lucky. To know that we will always have someone there for us, no matter what. I made that promise to you early on, as you did for me, and I will forever stick to it. Together, always.
I’m very excited to experience you, us, in person. Yes it’s scary, but the excitement will outweigh it. Soon, you will be here holding me and I you. Soon we will be laughing, farting, snorting, snarking, and more together. We can begin to create memories and stories together, things we’ll share with our children and their children. I cannot wait for those sentimental moments and that’s what keeps me going. The idea that soon, I will have you and love you and nurture you, and you will have me and protect me. Our conversations will have substance with physicality that supports our words, and that, is truly exciting. So, here’s to today, tomorrow, and rest of our lives making snarky comments, erupting flatulent laughter, and sharing unconditional love. I look forward to every part of our lives together and I cannot wait to see where life takes up. I love you, thank you for existing, and I’m missing you terribly.
*All letters are left as written. I made no edits to the writing.
**More letters to come!