What would happen if the witch from Hansel and Gretel was somehow teleported to the real world? How would she fare? Here is her tale told two different ways.
A Hungry Witch
The witch woke up in a small sweat, surrounded by loud sounds and blinding lights. She looked around and noticed she was no longer in her cottage but in a strange bed in a strange house. The last she remembered was laying in her bed, starving from lack of food and tired. It had been years since she had eaten a proper meal, and now she was beginning to think it would never happen.
She climbed out of her bed in the strange world and looked around. The walls, the furniture, and the overall atmosphere were strange and foreign. She could hear loud sounds of humans outside the window. When she looked outside, she noticed humans dressed in some kind of alien clothing with large, fast moving objects. The world was indeed very strange, but the witch wasn’t thinking of that.
She saw kids of all ages, sizes, and kinds walking down the paths below. She had tried her hand at making a meal out of adults, but kids were especially juicy to try. Without hesitation, she made her way to the door to hunt down one of the kids.
She entered into the strange world and had not a care in the world for how strange things were. The only thing on her mind was having a particularly juicy and tender meal. She knew she would not be able to just grab a child, because that was no fun. Instead, she needed to tempt a child into her proximity.
After a while of walking, she came across a small place with food on the shelves. She had crafted a house made of edible material before, ergo, it only made sense to do it again. Storming into the store, the witch started grabbing random items from the shelves. She couldn’t see that well, but she knew there were humans everywhere mixed in with the food. Everything smelled so delicious and yet she knew it would be a form of delayed gratification if she could set the hunt and lure in a child.
As she tried to leave the store, a man grabbed the witch by the arm and demanded payment for the items in her arms. The witch had no payment and was stuck in a situation of confusion. Since she knew she came across as an elderly woman, she looked up at the man and pretended not to understand him. Unfortunately, the witch knew she could not get away with the goods, so she set the items down apologetically and walked away from the building.
If she was not able to build a house, she would settle for simply getting her meal. It wouldn’t be as satisfying, but sacrifices had to be made. While walking down the street, she attempted to grab a small child playing with some birds and run off. She was immediately chased down by several adult humans and tackled to the ground. All she wanted was to eat, and these people were making it very difficult.
Fast forward several years and the witch has been spending all of her time in a form of prison. She learned of the world in which was currently residing. In this world, secret places were few and far, and finding a child to eat was going to be impossible. Cruel and unjust in her eyes, stealing children and attempting to eat them was against their rules and was punishable by spending time in these prisons.
Fortunately in her eyes, these rules were unimportant and barbaric. The witch just wanted to eat something, and having that taken away from her was unfair. For the last several years she contemplated new ways to lure in children when she left. Studying maps, laws, rules, and the ways of the current world took up all of her time. When she was released from the prison, she was going to find another way to lure in a child. This time, it was not only going to work, but she was going to feast like never before.
Which Way to Witch
After a comfortable night of feasting and sleeping, the witch was startled awake by loud sounds and crashes. Her body jerked up in a hurried way as she rubbed her eyes to try and overcome the grogginess from sleep. When her vision finally returned, she looked around and immediately noticed her surroundings had changed. She didn’t remember casting a spell during the night, so it came as no surprise that she was lost and confused. The last thing she remembered was finishing off a particularly meaty part of a child’s leg before passing out. Sometime during the night, she had somehow teleported to a strange world.
With a concentrated effort, the old witch dragged herself off of the bed and towards the window. On her old world, her vision had always been subpar at best, but somehow this world had improved her vision to near perfection. When she looked out, she noticed large objects flying down the roads below. The glaring light of the sun showed the intricacies of the huge buildings that lined the horizon. “What world is this?” the witch said to herself. Even though the world was incredibly weird, her mind immediately shifted towards the only thing that mattered to her: food.
While she looked out the windows, she noticed a large array of children and adults walking along the pathways. No matter how many times she attempted to cook adults, the meat always tasted rotten and foul. That was the reason why she spent her entire life capturing children and cooking them.
Again, the strange world took a backseat to the thoughts of capturing one of those children and consuming them. Without any hesitation, the witch made her way out the door and onto the streets. However, it wasn’t just about grabbing a child and consuming her meal. The hunt was part of the fun. She needed to lure children into a trap, seduce them, confuse them, plump them up, and only then could she enjoy her meal.
It had taken her many years to cook and build her house back on her world, so it only made sense that the same tactic would work in the new world. After walking for a few minutes, she came across a small building with food lined along the shelves. Since she didn’t see any forests or farms nearby, she figured it would be best to take the food from there. With the hood from her cloak pulled over her head, the witch made her way into the store.
She grabbed every item she could see and started stuffing it into her cloak. It was difficult for her to shop because the smell of food mixed with human flesh assaulted her nose in a conflicting way. However, after a few minutes, she looked like a bulging chipmunk whose cheeks were stuffed with nuts and fruits. She hastily ran towards the exit before a man in a strange blue uniform stopped her.
“Ma’am, are you planning on paying for those items?” the man asked of her.
The witch stopped in her tracks and looked up at the man and said, “Payment? I don’t need any payment for these.”
After speaking, she attempted to stare into the eyes of the man so her mystic powers of persuasion would convince him. Back in her world, that is how she gathered the majority of the materials needed to build her house without arousing suspicion. The man just blinked at her and shook his head
“No, ma’am, you need to pay for those. If you’re not going to pay, I’m afraid I’ll have to call the proper authorities.”
The man said his words with force but the witch didn’t back down and attempted to run away with the food. With a small ‘thunk’, the witch was hit from behind by the man and tackled to the ground.
Five years later the witch had spent the entire time in a prison. She had learned over those years that she carried no magical abilities in the new world. Unfortunately, she was forced to consume some kind of mushy soup each day, and her appetite had only grown over the years. The witch had been sent to prison for attempting to steal from a shop. The sentencing for her crime was extremely viable, but while in prison, she had attempted to kill another person in her lust for human flesh which extended her sentence.
The witch felt justifiable in her decisions to try and eat children, but according to this world’s laws, kidnapping children was one of the worst crimes a person could commit. She didn’t care if it was considered wrong because she wanted to eat. If other people in this world could go to a restaurant and eat a meal of their choosing, why couldn’t she capture and eat a child?
No matter what happened, the witch didn’t believe the imprisonment was fair. Throughout her time there, she studied maps, books of laws, and the ways of life in that current world. No laws or personal feelings were going to stop the witch from having the feast of a lifetime. The day she would finally be released from the prison was going to be the start of her new life. No, the witch wasn’t going to change her ways. But she would do everything in her power to get that coveted meal of child flesh; even if it meant having to blend in better to her surroundings. Not only was this next time going to work like a charm, but it was going to be the best meal of her entire life.
Random Ramblings of a Redheaded Nerd 